The funny thing about inner work: it’s not just “finding your inner light” or releasing endless love to the universe. Sometimes, it’s just sitting compassionately with the fact that we are a human. We’re complex creatures full of contradictions. We are capable of deep compassion and also, honestly, capable of some pretty dark impulses.
We like to think of ourselves as good people—or at least people with good intentions. But shadow work isn’t about good or bad; it’s about accepting what we’re capable of. That’s the real foundation. It requires a willingness to accept that we have the capacity for manipulation, self-serving behaviors, jealousy, rage, and indifference. It’s looking at ourselves and accepting that sometimes, we want things that don’t align with the “ideal” version we have of ourselves– We’d rather not look squarely at those things that don’t fit the narrative we tell ourselves about ourselves. When we think of our shadow, it’s not a cardboard villain lurking within. It’s the version of us we don’t want to admit we could be. And that’s kind of…funny? Overwhelming at times, but funny. We spend so much time running from ourselves without even realizing it. And when we’re able to face it, it’s like a switch flips; once we can admit what we’re capable of, we’re freed up to make better choices. Like, okay, I could play 4D chess here, I could be manipulative and calculated, but is that really what I want to put my energy into?
Picture yourself as a garden where every plant, flower, and weed represents different aspects of who you are. There are blooms you’re proud of and weeds you’d rather pull out, but they’re all part of your ecosystem. Some have their seasons and some are more fragile than others. True growth happens when you nurture the whole plot, understanding what each plant teaches you about yourself. Everyone tries to rid their yard of dandelions, but what if we approached them with the wonder we did as children? Wishing on them, seeing their beauty, and bringing them to those we love.
To be real, I think the whole idea of being a “better person” might just start with looking at our shadows with a laugh, a shrug, and a bit of compassion. Resistance just creates psychic glue and repression means they will wreak havoc in other areas of our life without our conscious consent. So, instead of being driven by the parts of ourselves that we wish weren’t there, what if we did the inner work to compassionately look at them, love them, embrace them, and set ourselves free?
Looking for help on your journey? I’m here for you! Let’s chat.